I’ve grown desensitized and I didn’t even realize it. Recently, I watched a rather gruesome horror with some friends. If you’ve been around me long enough, you’d be able to tell that I’m easily scared, so horror movies aren’t exactly my favorite. But I figured that since it was an American horror anyway with probably more shock-value-gore-and-blood horror than any of the actual *scary* horror, it wouldn’t be too bad for me and I’d be able to stomach it, perhaps maybe even enjoy the movie.
And the scary thing is, I was right. I look back now, and it’s hard to believe that I didn’t even flinch at all during some of the goriest parts of the movie, or even shudder at the concepts of torture and mutilation in the movie. I remember back in 8th grade, I accidentally stumbled upon the graphic and violent beheading video of Nick Berg in Iraq. That was probably the most disturbing thing I had ever witnessed, and from then on, I told myself that I’d never let myself watch anything to do with indignity being done to God’s creation. I cringed at the sight of blood, at the sound of torture, and at the mention of mutilation.
And yet somehow I betrayed myself and allowed myself to become desensitized to all that. Somewhere along the way, I took small steps with each movie, video game, or other type of media*, and arrived at a point where I believe that such portrayal of brutality and desecration was okay, that it was all just a show-case of special effects, or some other justification.And then it led me to think about other aspects of my life where I’ve become desensitized or jaded by my environment. I was going through my devos today, and came this verse:
“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”-Matthew 12:36-37
For me, the word that stuck out the most was “careless”. The dictionary defines careless as being “free from care”, “indifferent”, and “unconcerned”. I think in this context, to an extreme, “careless” isn’t being used as being careless on a test and forgetting to fill out a page, but rather as reckless or irresponsible, not concerned with the consequences. I can already think of two areas in my life where I’m recklessly sinning, knowing that it’s sin, and still sinning anyway.
And in a way I’ve become jaded by it, because the world doesn’t consider it a big deal at all, and also because the consequences never really seem to catch up to me. But in the end, it still amounts up to sinning, and what’s worse, is that the act of sinning despite knowing it as sin, without regret, remorse, or repentance, seems to fall under the category of “unforgivable sin” of speaking out against the Holy Spirit**.Taking the verses for face value though, it’s apparent to me that in a lot of my actions, I am quite careless in my actions, and don’t think a lot before I do things. For me, there’s two kinds of acting stupid. Sometimes I pretend to be stupid and do or say stupid things, just to get people to laugh about it, but other times I really do say or do things before thinking. It’s as if sometimes things escape my frontal lobe and just come straight out. It’s one of my character flaws I think that God wants me to work on.In sum, I’ve become desensitized and jaded. I’ve not the world to blame, but only myself for failing to hold true to the One thing that matters. I’ve always wondered how those who dedicate themselves to God seem to have it all together.
*If you know me well enough, you’d also know that I am a staunch opponent against the idea that violent movies and video games alone make you a serial killer or crazed gun man. I concede that they probably do have some sort of desensitizing effect, but not to the point that media plays a main or even big role in the process.I also think it’s worth mentioning that I’m not against things with ‘tastful’(?) violence in them.
**As a side note, I think that the view that the Bible (or at least, the way the book of Matthew puts it) of sinning against the Holy Spirit is a bit interesting. After we obtain salvation, we’re given the Holy Spirit as part of the packge to guide us in making our decisions and discerning what is sin in our lives. If we know what we do is sin, and yet continue to sin without true repentance, we reject the Holy Spirit, and since it’s part of the package deal, we basically reject salvation as well. Someone correct me if I’m wrong though, I’m not entirely sure how theologically sound this is…
